Friday, August 1, 2008

Little Kitten Pictures I Swear!!

Lol ok so maybe my recent post on Infant Death was wayyy too morbid and morose for most. So I want you to see my kitten pics. NOoo I'm not selling out! Or being trite.
I really Did take these kitten pics!

Ok so here's the scoop. Our neighbors Very nicely let us come over and swim in their lovely in ground pool whenEver we want. Today we wanted too..and when we arrived she told us about the 2 kittens that one of her boarders brought home. Apparently she found them sitting by the side of the road. Awww I hear ya! These are the most lovely friendly adorable balls of fluff I've seen in Eons. Well besides my Elvis and Sassy that is~
..and No they do Not know I was cooing and swooning over these little ones. Ahem.
Ok so back to the story. I have my new camera which Thankfully I had brought with me to take some swimming photo's. These kittens are Not fural, they def. have been brought up with people. They aren't even afraid of the dogs...

So without further adeu, here are some sweet little kitty pictures. I hope my photography bloggin friends jump in and offer Any and all suggestions. Thanks guys. Stay cool..its HOT out there!


Ok so Finally today at 3pm my vet gave me a call. Elvis's blood tests all came out normal! Well I should say he had a T3 and T4; the T4 being slightly elevated but the T3 normal which makes it all a normal high. Ok so thats nurse chat lol.
All normal. He ran the gammet of tests too...

So the option is this. To totally put our minds at rest he said we could do a needle biopsy. Come in the am and leave in the afternoon. Slight sedation and send the spec off to a pathologist.

I'm calling now to see how much; but we've decided we're going to do it no matter What the cost. Just so our minds can be at peace....

Saying Hello and Saying Goodbye..

...this will be a difficult subject to blog on; but one that needs to be shared.

Childbirth is something we go into fully expecting to finish with a fresh pink lusty crying baby. But sometimes that's not the case. In fact, Until I worked in the L&D dept. I never realized how many baby didn't get to have that chance.Everyone feels being an L&D nurse is attractive because most of the time the "patients" aren't really patients. Because they're not sick, they're in their prime of life. There is loads of suffering tho. Women in labor, even with epidurals which are so popular today Still have alot of discomfort. There is always some mucous, feces, urine, blood and usually vomit. As a nurse there is only so much you can do to alleviate the pain. It's difficult sometimes to remain composed while helping a mom deal with these discomforts of delivery.

So we like to think its always happy in L&D. But death is always lurking on the unit. Its a common occurrence. More than I realized! As you monitor the mom's strip closely evaluating the FHT's (fetal heart tones) you always have to keep in mind the real possibility that this new little baby might not get to see the light; and may quickly decelerate and god forbid, die on you.

Sometimes the Mom goes to her doctors visit and he has to tell her that there are no heart tones; that they baby's died. And they just don't know why. This can happen at any stage of pregnancy unfortunately.

My patient the other night had been told her baby was gone. She was scheduled to come into the hospital the next day and have her labor induced. As I approached this young couple I could see the pain they were carrying. Tears were dried on both their faces and the veil of death hung over them. It felt strange to walk them down the hall past mothers with healthy infants sat just feet away in their safe rooms. It just felt so wrong.

As I explained what I was going to do; I tried to be most respectful of their pain. I first told them how sorry I was for their pain. For their loss...
Its a hard thing to put into words. But we know that its best dealt with face on. Their baby died. Not their fetus, nor did they lose a "pregnancy". They lost their child, no matter what the gestational age. That's how I feel and that's how I deal with it. Its a real child and needs their place in the family recognized.
This mom was 23 weeks along. It seems to be a common time of fetal death. There must be a very important transformation that happens around that time; and sometimes it just doesn't happen.

I hooked her up to a monitor to see her contractions after having her change into the gown. They I started her IV and her pitocin. I then told her when her contractions became difficult to manage to let me know and I'd call the anesthesiologist for her epidural. This mom did Not need to get any award for her stoicism during labor.

The labor took almost 10 hrs to produce a birth. A stillborn baby girl was delivered and placed in my hands. I wrapped her gently in a blanket and took her to the warming table to tidy her up. It is policy to encourage parents of dead infants to see, touch and hold their babies after delivery. At first, most parents are horrified and decline quickly. But usually after a bit, they tentatively ask to at least see the baby, after we explain how this helps with the grieving process. Research has shown that parents are better able to resolve their loss better if they see their baby and know what they look like. This also gives them the opportunity to say goodbye.

As I carefully cleaned and wrapped this little baby, my heart was breaking. With tears in my eyes I went to the bedside and told the parents they could see and hold her when they were ready. They knew how to get in touch with me, and I left the room to allow them to have their time together. Then I went into the bathroom and just cried until I felt empty.

The parents did want to see and hold their baby after about 30 mins. I gently picked her up and placed her in her mothers arms. The mother broke down and just sobbed. That's when my tears started up again. I bent down and hugged the mom and just said "I'm so sorry". The parents held that baby for 5 hrs before they were ready to give her up. They had the grandparents come visit and everyone had their chance to say goodbye. It was heart wrenching but I felt a sense of peace that they were dealing with their horror face on. They were so strong...
So this is the dark side of my job. Lucky for me, they rotate the IUFD's amongst the staff so its fair and distributed evenly. I should not have another demise for weeks, hopefully months. Its very hard and very heartbreaking.

We as nurses do everything we can to facilitate healing of this suffering. We take photo's and wrap the little one in precious clothes handmade by women somewhere who make extra small gowns and bonnets just for these babies. You can see the love sewn into these garments. We give the parents a memory box filled with things to remember their child by. The measuring tape, the clothes the baby was dressed in, photo's and a small teddy. This teddy appears in the photo next to the baby. As harsh and terrible as this all sounds, it really does validate this child's life as best we can.

If the parents don't want the box at the time of discharge, its put into storage for a time when they probably will want it.

My heart was heavy that day as I walked off the floor. But I knew I had done all I could to tenderly and carefully care for this family.
I was glad to come into my next shift and have someone just getting ready to push. To see that 8lb 9oz baby enter the world screaming made me dizzy with joy!

..I go back to work tonight. I never know what is waiting for me..but I Love my job. This is why I became a nurse.

Thursday, July 31, 2008

Love Talking but...

Aghhh No Time to blog! I have thoughts tumbling around in my head. But I'll have to hold them til tomorrow. Anyway, know I miss ya's!! Keep up the great blogging work btw =)

Wednesday, July 30, 2008

Mmmmm Juicy~

..before it gets later in the season, let me show you my strawberrys from June. Mmm!! Juicy they were too!! I love making jam, when I have the time. But I didn't. Maybe next year. LOL Uhhuh!

I sped outside last week after a torential rainfall. Something about the droplets of rain hanging off the bushes by the driveway was fastionating to me. I ran this photo thru a filter called Ambience. This was taken with my small point and shoot Canon.

"Did ya say you like the Grungy look?"

Hey I'm so tired my arms feel like they've been cut off lol. BUTT.....

Yeah if you read down below about my work; you'd know that I was hoping NOT to have to come in at 11pm because of little sleep yesterday....But, they did need me. And I had a very busy night at work birthing those babies lol.

But I did have a bit of time to read on a fav blog of mine... ie: "Shutter Sisters" about using textures on photo's for an aged look. So I have Not uploaded some photo's I took last evening with my SLR Canon; I do have zillions of pics taken with my small canon point and shoot. These are my Johnny Jump Ups. They sprout without any help every year! Yeah they lay their little seeds down and magically appear each spring. I love em! They are my all time Fav spring flower. Aren't they just adorable? So lemme know what you think about my grungy trials. I messed about with two differant overlays and also ran them thru some filters.

NOW I'm off to bed!! For a nap anyway. Not long. I'm off tonight =)
And I'm dying to read some more into apetures, ISO's and shutter speeds!

Tuesday, July 29, 2008

The Waiting Game

Sigh. Well you know I had a vet appt. this afternoon with my puddy Elvis. I was hoping he would just tell us that he was Purfectly fine and there was Nothing wrong. Well he does have a lump on the side of his trachea. I thought about it on the drive over..thinking about how the thyroid is wrapped around the trach.

We looked all over the house and couldn't come up with the cat carrier. IF I lent it to someone, it would of been at least a year ago, and I honestly don't remember doing that. But its gone. Weird. So we took a towel and wrapped Elvis up in it while going to the car. He spent the ride over on Dads shoulders. He's Dad's cat you know. Loves Dad and Dad loves him. I'm serious. This cat lives and breaths for his Dad. And visa versa.

So we get to the vets. No dogs or other animals there at the moment. Good! I don't want him even More stressed. The doc comes in and has a feel around. "Yep, thats his thyroid". He says he's taking a blood sample ect ect...but doesn't add anything more to his possible diagnosis. I wait....then I ask.

"Is it possible for it to be a tumor or cancer? Thyroid cancer?"

"Yes yes and yes" he says to me, but says he doesn't want to jump ahead. He will have the blood results by tomorrow or thursday. If they come back normal, then we'll talk about what else to do..IE biopsy or Ultrasound. *sighs*

Ok so now I'm worried as all get out. My baby. My kitty has something wrong. He's only about 5yrs old..just a kid! He shouldn't have any problems at this point in life..should he?

So we do the waiting thing. I called off work even..requested an Emergency day off. I'm just feeling so blah.

Well work just called. They said they can grant me until 11pm off, but I'll have to call back this evening to see if I can have the rest of the night off. So we'll see. I guess at least if I have to go in at 11p I can take a nap and survive it. So far I've 3 hrs sleep. And if the boards emptyish, they'll grant me the rest of the night. No they didn't ask specifically what my "emergency" was. I don't think they can? I just thought it better than calling out "sick". That just felt wrong. But you know, as a nurse you don't get alot of time off like regular people lol. There has to be enough staff to deal with all the patients. So time will tell.

I just hope he's only got a thyroid problem. Please God let it only be a thyroid problem....

LOL'ing AT myself and Loving my Elvis!

LOL. Ok sorry. But I just wanted to say that I'm soo tired that I just accidentally hit the * button and it freakin Published LOL. Yeah I deleted it. Figured it wouldn't really be very interested all alone like that...besides what graphic do you use with it?

LOL ok so sorry, I'm just tickled about it. Getting ready now to lay down and sleep. Hubby called me this am at 6 (which he Never does) to say that Elvis, our lovely kitty pictured has a lump on his neck. Now hubby feels Elvis is losing weight and just isn't himself. He's felt this way for a bit now. But it didn't see dramatic to me. He is eating well and plays when you offer him a string or toy. But I do notice he has not been coming downstairs when we come in the door.

So I just called the Vet and we have an appt. at 1pm. Yeah I know. I worked all night. But my puddy needs me. So I'm off to bed now and then will get up and go to the docs. IF I don't get to lay down again...mmmm well I might have to call off work. I'm NO good or SAFE without sleep. So we'll see....don't tell the boss!

And say a little prayer for Elvis; the sweetest kitty in the whole wide world...

Sunday, July 27, 2008

Steep Learning Curve Ahead!!

Well I've been SO dang inspired by some of the photography you guys have shown me here that I took the leap. Story goes like this...

We took hubby's son to buy a laptop to take back to wales. It's like one Third the price to buy one here! I said "Mmm I'm going to have a little look at camera's." This was at Best Buy and Lucky for me I had already tucked a printout of the comment Marlene left me last week concerning buying a serious camera and some recommendations. So the sales boy slinks up to me and asks if I need help! I asked him to tell me about the Canon machines (specifically marls choices) and he did a great job....of selling me the Canon EOS 40D!! It comes with a kickass zoom lens and is HIS personal camera as well. So hubby came over and we discussed the pros's and con's.

Simply said, I walked out of the store with all I need to be a superduper Fantastic picture shooter LOL!!!

Now I'm a little wee bit nervous because I don't know alot about camera's. I just know I love taking great photo's. So I now will begin reading the manual instead of the summer chick book I bought at the beach yesterday!! Guy at the store said you start doing the photo's automatically first, then gradually learn settings.

Soooo in the meanwhile I will search the net for a great Photography site with a message board attached for questions lol.

I can't wait to take my first picture!! Wooooooot!!!

I'm just totally freakin Happy!!!

PS (Hubby said to tell Marlene No More Comments that cost him money LOL!!!)